Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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