I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
