Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
