Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i drank out of a bidet.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
