You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
