please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
