3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
