I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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