It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
