Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
