remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
