just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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