You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
