Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
