I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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