no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
