i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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