Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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