i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
