I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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