we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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