I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
