I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
