I look better un-naked...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
