I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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