Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
