dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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