So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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