He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
