Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
