The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
