I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
