Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
