My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
