I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize