Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger

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(973): View more from New Jersey

he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend

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(402): View more from Nebraska

you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls

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(330): View more from Ohio

Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.

(440): View more from Ohio

Did you offer her some?

(330): View more from Ohio

If only. Current status: Not that clever.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.

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