This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
