just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
