yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
