I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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