I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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