I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
