we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
