just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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