When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
