alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
