you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
