I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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