you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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