Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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