Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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