Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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