After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
