Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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