when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
