your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
