I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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