addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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