My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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