i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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