Barsexuality is the new black.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
