ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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