I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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